For Those I Admire – Thanks for Pushing Me

We all have people who we feel connected to, people we admire for who they are at their core.  I admire the people I admire because they’re continuously growing.  They have an ease about them that makes others feel comfortable and safe to be themselves.  We all have flaws and I’m in no way implying that they’re perfect, but their way of being is different than most.  I’ve craved that energy from the moment I met them.  I held admiration for a few people long before I knew them at a deeper level simply based on how they were showing up in the world.

My goal’s to get to that level.  Because while insecurities are real, letting them control your life won’t set you free.  And I want to be free without that nagging voice in the back of my head.

I’m working on not talking as much.  Not for any negative reason, I just want to be more observant on how I’m reacting in certain situations.  Because I recognize when insecurities come up and I don’t want to repress them.  It’s important that I figure out the root cause.

My biggest issue right now is not wanting to appear like I’m “playing favorites” or “copying people”.  It’s a fear of what others might think.  In hindsight, it shouldn’t matter because the truth is, I do like a lot of the same things as other people.  But I have avoided and chosen differently than I would have out of concern that I would look bad.  Almost like I don’t have my own original thoughts or beliefs.

Clearly, this is a past wound I haven’t healed yet.  I know exactly where it stems from, it’s just a matter of working through it all.  I want to get to a place where I don’t care what other people think at all and just do what I like because it’s what I like.

The world needs more people like the few I’m referring to in this post.  Having people who force you to level up and “heal” are crucial for a society to get over whatever it is holding them back.

I’ll be the first to admit that living with an elevated sense of self, having a positive outlook, and having friends who push you in the right direction isn’t easy at first.  To admit that you’re being negative and that maybe, just maybe, you’re the reason you’re in the place that you’re in is scary.  It’s not easy leaving a world of low vibrations.

Living with higher vibrations isn’t difficult because you enjoy drama or feeling down.  It’s challenging because in order to live in a world of positivity you must first do the work.

I think that this is where people fall off.  It’s scary to dig into your psyche and rid yourself of the demons.  Doing this might cause you to change your living situation, find new friends, choose a different career path, etc.  Change can lead to fear, the unknown can lead to anxiety.  Who in their right mind willingly puts themselves in this situation?  Only someone with an ounce of fearlessness would, without hesitation, delve into whatever it is holding them back and be honest with what they need to do moving forward.

If you really look within yourself I bet you’d find that you also have that fearlessness.  Think about when you were a kid.  Back when nothing scared you.  How you would fall down and bounce right back up like it was nothing.  What happened to that sense of freedom?  When did you decide that the world was all doom and gloom and you weren’t worthy of the body, lifestyle, friends, romantic partner that you deserve?

When did you stop choosing happiness over all else?  Happiness has always been there, waiting.  A positive world filled with people who lift you up is available to you if you want it.  None of these things are exclusive to a select few of the population.  We’re all worthy of the good that this world has to offer.

So, to the people I admire most, thank you.  I was once in a space of constant sadness and negativity.  A year or so ago I was constantly worrying about money and had anxiety in just about every situation.  I wouldn’t show up with a smile, instead, I’d be bummed out about something that had happened earlier in the day and would, in turn, ignore those around me.  I was comfortable and had no idea how to get out of it.

It took moving across the country to realize that it was me all along, I was the reason for my thoughts (duh, I know).  I didn’t realize how unhappy I was until I started feeling happy.

The people I admire are special to me for more than just who they are, but for who they pushed me to become.  They didn’t make me do the work, I wasn’t forced to elevate.  I was taught by example and acted accordingly.   


Photo by Artem Beliaikin @belart84 on Unsplash

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