I won’t go into detail on my history dealing with depression but I will say that it doesn’t go away “just like that”. Speaking from my experience, it’s easy to fall back into the cycle of what was. Never an excuse to act a certain way, but it is what it is. All you can do is push through and apologize when you hurt people. But to also learn from the mistakes you made as not to repeat them. Things aren’t what they seem as often as you’d think. We all live in complex worlds of our own making. Mirrors into how we view ourselves and the people around us. I’ve heard that the eyes are the window to your soul but I’d argue that your actions speak much louder than a look ever could.
But what are your actions saying about who you are at your core? We all mess up from time to time. Sometimes it’s extreme and other times it’s small. But how do you come back from a situation that you might view as terrible? Are your actions authentically you or are you acting out of character? How are you choosing to move on and grow post-mistake?
It’s a comfortable and familiar feeling to fall back into a headspace that you spent most of your life in. It can be terrifying to remove yourself from that space because that means growth and growth is painful. Some people have their entire identity built around their trauma. And to heal from that trauma can be too revealing and vulnerable for some people. How do you come back from that? Who are you if what you’ve believed yourself to be isn’t truly all that you are? How does one admit that they aren’t living up to their full potential? The feelings that come to mind are shame, guilt, pride, and isolation.
Be patient with people. But not to the point where you’re giving away parts of who you are to help. Boundaries must be established no matter what.
In the past whenever I’ve fallen into a depressive state something life-changing followed. Heck, I was in that space two weeks post moving to Los Angeles and look at my life now. It’s impossible to see beauty if you’ve never at one point seen or experienced darkness. How would you even define beauty if you didn’t know the latter at some level?
It wasn’t easy. Nothing worth having in life is. Anyone can blame the world for their feelings rather than taking action and moving on. It hurts, saying goodbye to something or someone you’ve loved and grown to rely on. But if you really want to make a dent in this life you get to make the choice for yourself. Are you going to stay or go? Who’s worth being patient with and who do you get to distance yourself from or remove entirely? How do you heal in order to show up and be 100% you; the light that you’ve always been?
Something I’ve learned to believe in 100% is the beauty of timing. Timing is crucial because things can’t fall into place without it. It’s argued that time is a social construct, but there’s truth behind things lining up exactly as they do to make way for great life events and people to enter and occur in your life. Sometimes you’re removed from situations never to return to what was, and sometimes you’re removed simply to be brought back once you’ve grown a little in an upward direction.
There are billions of people on this planet all experiencing today from a billion different perspectives. Think about that for a second. There are literally billions of different ways to look at the world around you. Yet, it’s so easy to get hung up on your own without considering that maybe, just maybe, there’s another way.
It takes a lot of strength and bravery to pull yourself out of a dark headspace. It takes a lot of time and patience to gain clarity and to gain trust in the universe for what it is. It’s never been you against the world. We all have people who love us, even if we don’t believe it all the time. There’s not going to be a time in your life when you’re entirely alone, even if it feels that way. And sometimes we do walk without the obvious acknowledgment from others. Often times it is your own applause getting you through the day.
But please don’t take that as a sign that you’re alone.
It takes time, but you’ll be okay in the end.