I Want This Life for the Rest of My Life

Something happened last night that clicked with me.  This realization of, “Yea I want this life for the rest of my life.”

I want these friends and this community and I plan on continuously duplicating it.  I hadn’t really been all in till recently, and whatever was holding me back is no longer serving me.  Why aren’t I fighting harder for the life I want?  No one but me really cares if I make it “big”.  It’s not their life.  Sure, they’ll cheer me on and love me through it but at the end of the day, it’s my call to make.

I still have this fear of judgment which has taken me away from so many great experiences.  I’m more myself now than I’ve ever been but I still have those moments of, “Why am I like this?”  But I am like this, and that’s enough.  Every person I’ve met and every place I’ve visited has shaped me into me.  It took me a while to allow myself to let go of people who had long ago left my life.  Holding on to the feeling that they brought me.  But feelings are energy and they can’t be felt exactly the same way ever again.

What was I really holding onto?  Safety, security, love?  It would be unfair to say that I didn’t feel these things, but if I’m truly honest with myself it wasn’t healthy.  So why had I been holding on to nothing for so long?

Letting go has led me to my present and there’s a reason that I’m here.  What has come after the storm that was my past relationships far surpasses anything I could have ever imagined. 

Everything I’ve learned up to this point, everyone who I’ve ever crossed paths with, they’re part of this story as much as anyone.  My journey to now.  Letting go of this idea of who I should be and accepting who I’ve become will only make my intentions moving forward stronger and grounded.

I think the biggest realization I’ve encountered is how I’ve been through darkness and yet I’ve remained this person in spite of the pain I felt.  Most people can relate to this, they’re stronger than they give themselves credit for.  And as a well-rounded adult who’s continuously growing It would be unfair to younger me to let go of this almost fulfilled dream I had as a child.

Every Christmas as a kid I had asked for a puppy and world peace.  I got the puppy, but it took me a while to define what I meant by world peace.  I’ve realized that I’m now in this position to bring a certain level of peace to people that will eventually trickle upstream to help thousands (if not more).  World peace is subjective based on who you ask.  I think for me it’s bringing people peace of mind.  Peace of mind that they’re healthy, that they can help their bodies become stronger, that they can grow financially all on their own, and that positivity is for everyone.

World peace is a massive undertaking, but by helping a small group of people I will be able to eventually change generations and help break unhealthy cycles.  This, in turn, will change the world.

I don’t believe you can truly help another until you’ve learned from the past and have ridden yourself of whatever demons are holding you back.  If you don’t deal with your own toxicity you’ll continue bleeding on those who never cut you.  So I’m honoring little me by remaining consistent with my goals and saying goodbye to what’s no longer a part of who I am today.  Because I want this life for the rest of my life.    


Photo by Viviana Rishe on Unsplash

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