It’s Sunday & I’m in Love


Not with a person – but with the riddle of life. 

It’s Sunday, and I’m in love.  

We can all agree that the past four years have been wonky. 

I can’t help but feel behind in my pursuit of success.

There are goals that I can’t see the finish line to anymore. 

It isn’t a cause for alarm necessarily. 

Rather, confirmation that we’re not alone. 

“Am I too late to the party or right on time?”

I’m not the only person feeling this way. 

I’m not too self-important to admit that. 

What is starting over in my 30s supposed to look like? 

I’ve spent so much time letting others dictate my worth. 

The jaw surgeries I had changed my smile.

I don’t look like me.

There isn’t any other way to describe the feeling of not recognizing myself in the mirror.  

I’ve let too many people tell me who I am. 

“You’re an open book, Kelsey.” 

A college mentor said to me on my last day of Sophomore year.  

“Am I, though?  

I don’t think that many people see me.

Granted, I don’t exactly let them see me.  

How well do we actually all know each other? 

Is the depth too scary to dive headfirst into?

Writing has been my most consistent hobby. 

I had anxiety attacks as a kid over the concept of a “9-5”. 

All my film projects in high school were love stories. 

I want to throw up when I see a booger. 

I spent my 20s pursuing everyone else’s dreams more than my own. 

My four-year-old dream was to be a dog.  

My teenage dream was to be an actress. 

I did pursue acting in my early 20’s but I switched to fitness at 25.

My love for acting hasn’t waned a bit.

I’ve spent years attracting “friends” who’ve affirmed my low feelings of self. 

Life is a game of chance and I’m not losing per se. 

But lately, I have been playing it safe. 

I crave answers to riddles. 

What will the world look like next year?

How do I get out of this creative slump?

Will you still love me if I’m “me”?

Will you still love me while I figure out what that means? 

“I coulda been a contender, Charlie.”

But maybe I still can be. 

It’s Sunday, and I’m in love. 

Photo by Lisha Riabinina on Unsplash

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