I read a post on LinkedIn recently that spoke about inspiration and how it isn’t lacking, instead, it’s hiding from a mind that overthinks. I’m paraphrasing, of course, but the post’s overall point got to me.
Ever since 2020 and everything that transpired in my personal life I lost a piece of me that was barely hanging on as it was. I’m not special in this feeling, I know that. But after leaving the MLM I was a part of for two plus years and losing just about all of the connections tied to that community I spiraled. I realized that my whole identity was in fact tied to what others thought of me and in the process of “falling from grace” the small part of my personality that was free to just “be” died.
I made excuses and I felt sorry for myself. But the truth is I was scared to show up as I was without the validation I had gotten so used to receiving in Los Angeles.
Who am I without the applause? But do I even need it?
The answer is no.
Who I am will never be tied to how others perceive me. This is true for everyone.
I’ve spent a lot of my life watching others do what I know damn well I know how to do. I’ve spent a lot of time wishing I could do the “thing” while knowing I can in fact “do the thing”.
(insert eye roll here)
I’ve sat still. This is what we call complacency.
We’re all an artist in our own right. Spend enough time in that world and it can feel like a major ego trip. But that’s any industry if you pay enough attention. The world is filled with gatekeeping, a lack-mindset, and a whole lot of other junk I’m not fond of.
Most of us are driven by ego. It’s part of being human. But life would be boring without the nitty gritty mixed with the sunshine that can be found in all of its crevices.
But the world is also filled with sunny days, laughter, and dogs snoring on your lap. There’s beauty in people, the ocean, and a much-desired phone call.
And I am an artist, despite the ways in which I’ve always felt a little like an outcast in that world. Maybe my outlets aren’t meant to be amongst more than a few small groups at a time. Perhaps my creative path is more solo right now. And that gets to be okay.
So I’m working on just “doing” the thing instead of overthinking where my inspiration will come from. No more overthinking who’s going to be applauding me from the sidelines. Because it really doesn’t matter.
My ego may feel a few things but my soul will be happy when I die. And that’s what I care about. I care that my soul is happy, not that someone did or didn’t find me worth applauding for.